Programming languages summarized in one line

Inspired by the classic: A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages.

BASIC: 10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"; 20 GOTO 10 is the only BASIC program ever written.

C: Invented by Alan Turing as a precursor to the Turing Machine.

C++: Invented to give employment to C++ Standard Committee members.

CSS: The CSS standard formally consists of over 10,000 StackOverflow posts for every possible layout scenario.

D: C++ for hipsters.

Fortran: Used by Gauss to implement his linear algebra routines, never used since.

Go: All the advantages of C without the advantages of C++.

Haskell: The primary use case of Haskell is to write tooling for Haskell.

Java: All Java development has been fully automated since 2008.

Mathematica: What every scientist plans to learn, eventually.

MATLAB: The true backbone of all scientific research.

Lisp: The primary use case of Lisp is to write tooling for Lisp.

Perl: Used when Python programmers wake up and choose violence.

Python: All babies automatically learn Python at age 2-3.

Ruby: Lisp for hipsters’ hipsters.

Scala: A conspiracy by compiler writers to sell more compilers; does not actually exist.

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