Inspired by the classic: A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages.
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"; 20 GOTO 10 is the only BASIC program ever written.
C: Invented by Alan Turing as a precursor to the Turing Machine.
C++: Invented to give employment to C++ Standard Committee members.
CSS: The CSS standard formally consists of over 10,000 StackOverflow posts for every possible layout scenario.
D: C++ for hipsters.
Fortran: Used by Gauss to implement his linear algebra routines, never used since.
Go: All the advantages of C without the advantages of C++.
Haskell: The primary use case of Haskell is to write tooling for Haskell.
Java: All Java development has been fully automated since 2008.
Mathematica: What every scientist plans to learn, eventually.
MATLAB: The true backbone of all scientific research.
Lisp: The primary use case of Lisp is to write tooling for Lisp.
Perl: Used when Python programmers wake up and choose violence.
Python: All babies automatically learn Python at age 2-3.
Ruby: Lisp for hipsters’ hipsters.
Scala: A conspiracy by compiler writers to sell more compilers; does not actually exist.